It happens every year…. Black Friday, Cyber Monday, Christmas Sale, Santa Special…. Then we also see commercial after commercial on TV about the latest and greatest gadgets and toys. The kids go nuts for one thing or another, and what do we as parents want to do? Make them happy and save money..right? So we play into the hands of the commercialism. As parents we strive to do better, provide more, and give more than our parents did for us. That is what we should do, BUT….where do we draw the line? What do we promote more, materialism or quality of life?
Don't misunderstand me….wanting things is ok, getting things we want is ok, and being excited about being able to provide things that are wanted is understandable and ok. It is just very easy to succumb to the materialistic side of the holidays. My hubby and I were guilty of this ourselves. We both come from meager beginnings. Neither of us grew up with a silver spoon in our mouths. We both understand sacrifice, doing without, needs trump wants, and times are tight, as well as wallets, very well. I believe my hubby actually understands these things even more than I do. As children he thought my family had plenty of money, at least compared to what he knew. His mom, my wonderful mother in law, always worked hard and provided for their needs but it was extremely difficult to provide the wants. She would when she could but it was a hard road back then. She instilled in him a strong work ethic and that has definitely seen him through life and contributed to who he is today. My family was not well off by any means but we had many of our wants above and beyond just our needs being met. Yet my sisters and I were still very grounded and understood just how difficult things could be for our parents. We saw the days of beans and rice because they were cheap and went further than other food items in the stores, but also saw days of eating out at local restaurants and getting a treat at the store. I tell you all of this just to lead up to this…. Every generation that is able to improve their lifestyle or station in life above what they grew up in, takes with them the memories of their childhood…their missing necessities…their longing for wants. These memories play a part in what influences our choices for our own children. We want our own children to not know the feeling of longing, hunger, sadness, embarrassment, etc.. that can sometimes come from the experiences we remember from childhood. We only want our children to remember the good times, the fun times, the satisfaction, and the feeling of fulfillment.
We aren't wrong for wanting these things for our children, BUT if we stop and think about the times we did without or had less, we will see how much we learned from these experiences. I know that I did. I learned to see the world from a different perspective. I learned to see what can truly bring happiness in life. Lasting happiness doesn't come from material things or money….it buys moments of happiness, that in the end will leave you longing for the next thing to replace that happy feeling with as it fades. My hubby and I noticed how off course things were going when our boys were very young. Every Christmas, we would be planning and saving to get them all the things we thought they would want. We would buy gifts and then I would notice that I might have spent more on one than the other OR that one had more gifts to unwrap than the others. It became a situation of "keep everything even and fair". Then before we knew it the dollar amount spent started growing and becoming obnoxiously overwhelming. I stopped and thought, "why are we spending so much money on THINGS? Things that they will be excited about for a day…." While this was on my mind, I stopped to visit one of my closest friends, and I told her what was on my heart and mind. She shared with me the best idea that day (she had been doing this for awhile), and we have stuck with it ever since. I changed the idea slightly but the premise is the same. This is what she and I discussed that day…. Christmas is a holiday that celebrates the birth of our Savior, the King, JESUS! We grow up our entire lives learning that HE is the REASON for the SEASON, and that when anything becomes more important than HIM, we are worshipping or following the wrong things. We discussed the story of His birth and how even He received gifts for entering this world. How many gifts did He receive? 3…He received just 3 gifts. Not 10, not 20, not how many did you get….3. So, if 3 gifts were enough for our King, the Savior, how could 3 gifts not be enough for our boys? That's just it, 3 is plenty. From that Christmas forward there were 3 gifts under the tree for each of them. At the time of this decision, all three of our boys knew that Santa was not real. (GASP!! I know…don't stop believing!) They all came to the decision on their own. So they understood. I sat them down one day and explained the story of the birth of Jesus to them for probably the 100th time in their young lives, and then explained that from then on they too would only receive 3 gifts plus their stocking items. At first they did not like the idea, but then I said, "wait a second, if it was good enough for our Lord, isn't good enough for you too?" I got replies of "yes", "true", "ok momma we understand", and "makes sense". It wasn't a difficult adjustment for them. Expectations and precendence were settled in advance, and they had a great Christmas! They have ever since…they aren't lacking in any area of their lives.
They are now 17, 13, and 12….they definitely have received most of their wants but we are hoping that we have also taught them that it is ok to do without those wants (This doesn't mean that they like it, but who does?). We hope that it has also taught them to weigh the importance of those wants by being patient and taking time to think about them, making sure that they choose their wish list items well. For example, the newest gadget out right now, is the hoverboard. My two youngest jumped on the band wagon, and really wanted them. They told me that they wanted them for Christmas. I said "we will see." A few weeks later, they each came to me at separate times and told me that they had changed their minds, it was a waste of money. (Yea!!! I was glad they made that decision…I really didn't want to get them one.) I hope that we have planted the seeds in them that will continue to grow, that wants and things are sometimes just HYPE and do not lead to lasting HAPPINESS. So going forward I hope that you will choose HAPPINESS over HYPE!
Merry Christmas to all of you from all of us in the Land of Sand!
Don't misunderstand me….wanting things is ok, getting things we want is ok, and being excited about being able to provide things that are wanted is understandable and ok. It is just very easy to succumb to the materialistic side of the holidays. My hubby and I were guilty of this ourselves. We both come from meager beginnings. Neither of us grew up with a silver spoon in our mouths. We both understand sacrifice, doing without, needs trump wants, and times are tight, as well as wallets, very well. I believe my hubby actually understands these things even more than I do. As children he thought my family had plenty of money, at least compared to what he knew. His mom, my wonderful mother in law, always worked hard and provided for their needs but it was extremely difficult to provide the wants. She would when she could but it was a hard road back then. She instilled in him a strong work ethic and that has definitely seen him through life and contributed to who he is today. My family was not well off by any means but we had many of our wants above and beyond just our needs being met. Yet my sisters and I were still very grounded and understood just how difficult things could be for our parents. We saw the days of beans and rice because they were cheap and went further than other food items in the stores, but also saw days of eating out at local restaurants and getting a treat at the store. I tell you all of this just to lead up to this…. Every generation that is able to improve their lifestyle or station in life above what they grew up in, takes with them the memories of their childhood…their missing necessities…their longing for wants. These memories play a part in what influences our choices for our own children. We want our own children to not know the feeling of longing, hunger, sadness, embarrassment, etc.. that can sometimes come from the experiences we remember from childhood. We only want our children to remember the good times, the fun times, the satisfaction, and the feeling of fulfillment.
We aren't wrong for wanting these things for our children, BUT if we stop and think about the times we did without or had less, we will see how much we learned from these experiences. I know that I did. I learned to see the world from a different perspective. I learned to see what can truly bring happiness in life. Lasting happiness doesn't come from material things or money….it buys moments of happiness, that in the end will leave you longing for the next thing to replace that happy feeling with as it fades. My hubby and I noticed how off course things were going when our boys were very young. Every Christmas, we would be planning and saving to get them all the things we thought they would want. We would buy gifts and then I would notice that I might have spent more on one than the other OR that one had more gifts to unwrap than the others. It became a situation of "keep everything even and fair". Then before we knew it the dollar amount spent started growing and becoming obnoxiously overwhelming. I stopped and thought, "why are we spending so much money on THINGS? Things that they will be excited about for a day…." While this was on my mind, I stopped to visit one of my closest friends, and I told her what was on my heart and mind. She shared with me the best idea that day (she had been doing this for awhile), and we have stuck with it ever since. I changed the idea slightly but the premise is the same. This is what she and I discussed that day…. Christmas is a holiday that celebrates the birth of our Savior, the King, JESUS! We grow up our entire lives learning that HE is the REASON for the SEASON, and that when anything becomes more important than HIM, we are worshipping or following the wrong things. We discussed the story of His birth and how even He received gifts for entering this world. How many gifts did He receive? 3…He received just 3 gifts. Not 10, not 20, not how many did you get….3. So, if 3 gifts were enough for our King, the Savior, how could 3 gifts not be enough for our boys? That's just it, 3 is plenty. From that Christmas forward there were 3 gifts under the tree for each of them. At the time of this decision, all three of our boys knew that Santa was not real. (GASP!! I know…don't stop believing!) They all came to the decision on their own. So they understood. I sat them down one day and explained the story of the birth of Jesus to them for probably the 100th time in their young lives, and then explained that from then on they too would only receive 3 gifts plus their stocking items. At first they did not like the idea, but then I said, "wait a second, if it was good enough for our Lord, isn't good enough for you too?" I got replies of "yes", "true", "ok momma we understand", and "makes sense". It wasn't a difficult adjustment for them. Expectations and precendence were settled in advance, and they had a great Christmas! They have ever since…they aren't lacking in any area of their lives. They are now 17, 13, and 12….they definitely have received most of their wants but we are hoping that we have also taught them that it is ok to do without those wants (This doesn't mean that they like it, but who does?). We hope that it has also taught them to weigh the importance of those wants by being patient and taking time to think about them, making sure that they choose their wish list items well. For example, the newest gadget out right now, is the hoverboard. My two youngest jumped on the band wagon, and really wanted them. They told me that they wanted them for Christmas. I said "we will see." A few weeks later, they each came to me at separate times and told me that they had changed their minds, it was a waste of money. (Yea!!! I was glad they made that decision…I really didn't want to get them one.) I hope that we have planted the seeds in them that will continue to grow, that wants and things are sometimes just HYPE and do not lead to lasting HAPPINESS. So going forward I hope that you will choose HAPPINESS over HYPE!
Merry Christmas to all of you from all of us in the Land of Sand!
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